AFTER fans call for actress Jacqueline Jossa to leave husband Dan Osborne after his “flirty” text messages with Christine McGuinness, writer Mel Fallowfield, 51, reveals she would stand by her man if his head was turned . . .
I know a lot of women will think I’m mad for saying this, but if my husband Brian cheated, I would completely forgive him.
Mel Fallowfield wouldn’t divorce her husband for cheating but she has three deal breakers[/caption]
Mel has been married to Brian for 15 years[/caption]
But if he was ever to break one of my three non-negotiable rules I live by, I’d be straight down the solicitor’s office.
Boredom. Resentment. Feeling unfulfilled.
These are the three things I will never let into my marriage.
I’d, quite frankly, rather get divorced.
Perhaps that’s how Jacqueline Jossa may feel too.
Her relationship with Dan Osborne hit the headlines last week after The Sun revealed he had been exchanging “flirty” text messages with reality star Christine McGuinness following the breakdown of her marriage to TV presenter Paddy McGuinness.
While there was no suggestion of an intimate relationship between the pair, former Towie star Dan has been hit with infidelity claims in the past, previously confessing to The Sun: “I’ve made mistakes.
“I’ve done things I shouldn’t have done.”
Fans have since urged EastEnders actress Jacqueline to call time on their marriage.
Comments online include, “Jac come on love, you have always deserved better”, and, “It really is time that his wife took off rose-tinted glasses”.
But if he has cheated in the past and she has put up with it, I can’t say I blame her — and she wouldn’t be alone.
According to one survey, a third of us have stayed with a partner after discovering they had been unfaithful.
To be clear, my husband Brian is not cheating on me and never has, as far as I’m aware.
But then again, I would go out of my way NOT to find out.
I have no interest in going there.
I’ve even told Brian that if he was ever to indulge in an extra-marital fling, he must not confess and he must make sure I don’t find out.
He’s sworn he has no interest in sleeping with anyone else but it would be foolish to believe any marriage is immune from infidelity — the figures speak for themselves.
Twenty per cent of men and 19 per cent of women have been unfaithful.
If Brian cheated on me, I’m sure I would feel resentment and anger, but if it was a one-off, it feels like something we could tackle.
Fans have called for Jacqueline Jossa to leave her husband Dan Osborne[/caption]
Dan had been exchanging ‘flirty’ text messages with reality star Christine McGuinness[/caption]
But a resentment that feels as though it would stretch on forever is what I’d struggle with.
There being no hope of change is what I couldn’t face.
Just the other day, I came into the kitchen to find crumbs and cheese left on the chopping board, the lingering evidence of Brian’s snack spread all over the kitchen counter.
I begrudgingly tidied the mess away while he mumbled that he was about to clear it up himself.
But the fact the snack was finished and he was on the sofa watching telly made a mockery of that statement.
It’s a daily occurrence in my house, a simple annoyance which triggers tiny flashes of resentment.
That could be the thing that ends our 19-year marriage.
But if Brian cheated on me I’d try to turn a blind eye and, if I couldn’t, we’d go to counselling.
That’s because if everything else is right in a marriage I don’t see why infidelity should kill it.
If I was to also end up feeling bored and therefore unfulfilled because of the man my husband evolves into, that would kill the love and could, in turn, kill my relationship.
‘MORE THAN SEX’
And I’m not alone in this.
My friends and I can talk for hours about our spouses’ irritating ways, that day-in- day-out monotony that when you come home you just know they’ll have left their used tea bags by the sink.
It would honestly lift my heart to come home and not find them there. I’ve told him countless times but it makes no odds.
It’s not grand gestures that most women crave, but little everyday things that show us he’s thinking of our needs, not just his.
The actual clearing up after him takes a matter of minutes and, for the time being, I’m resigned to it because he’s been like that since we started living together 25 years ago.
Because so many men do, it seems “normal”. My father wasn’t exactly houseproud and I feel you can’t teach old dogs new tricks.
But a decade on from now there’s a chance that my tolerance will evaporate and I will develop a seething and unhealthy resentment about the crumbs on the chopping board and the way he puts the mugs in the glasses cupboard when he empties the dishwasher.
That’s because Brian, 53, is basically saying his needs are more important than mine.
He knows I’m ruffled and after 19 years of marriage, what was once endearing or something to joke about is slowly becoming as grating as nails down a blackboard.
Marriage is about love and feeling appreciated and supported. It is definitely far more than just sex.
If Brian gambled away our savings, I’d get him help for addiction.
Or if he was suddenly ill or disabled, there’s no way I’d leave.
But feeling resentful, bored or unfulfilled aren’t the ingredients for a happy and healthy marriage, if it’s to last.
I’m a huge believer that we only live once and should enjoy our lives
Mel Fallowfield
These days we live for longer, so the idea of falling out of love in my 50s or 60s and remaining in the marriage for another 20 or so years is an impossible prospect.
And that goes both ways because I’m sure I have my “cheese on the chopping board” moments which can be just as infuriating.
I know it drives Brian mad that I insist on always sitting in the same place on the sofa and can happily watch The Big Bang Theory on repeat and invite friends round without checking it’s convenient for him.
Even high-profile, seemingly solid and long partnerships are breaking up all around us.
Manchester City boss Pep Guardiola, 54, and his wife Cristina Serra split up after 30 years together and having three children.
The couple were apparently hoping to reconcile, but reports have since suggested that they are heading for divorce.
And at the start of the year, former Top Gear presenter Richard Hammond, 55, announced the end of his marriage to Mindy.
The pair had been together for 28 years and have two daughters.
Statistics show that while the divorce rate in the UK overall is falling, in the over-50s it’s rising.
Since 1990 it’s doubled and experts are predicting it will have tripled by 2030.
‘COMPLETELY UNITED”
So we have to be realistic.
While neither of us have stayed together for the sake of our two sons, aged 18 and 15, having them in common has undoubtedly been a glue that binds me with Brian.
We laugh about their antics, we share the same worries about the pressures of exams and whether they’re safe and happy or not, and we cheer the boys on together from the sidelines when they play rugby.
We are completely united in always wanting the best for them.
We work extremely well as a four, but I don’t yet know whether we will still work as two.
If it’s just me and Brian, I worry that I’ll feel flat.
And what happens if he fills the void of them leaving with gardening or, worse still, golf, which I hate?
I can imagine feeling bored rigid as he muses over which club to use, or spends hours perfecting his swing.
I’m watching the boys get ready for the rest of their lives.
It’s so exciting observing them feel their way into adulthood and I love helping my eldest plan his year abroad and his university application.
If a man wants to cheat he will do so whether he knows that spells the end of his marriage or not
Mel Fallowfield
I miss that youthful optimism and I’m not prepared to shelve it for good, nor end up feeling unfulfilled, just because I’m in my sixth decade.
I’m a huge believer that we only live once and should enjoy our lives.
If it isn’t fun then you should change it, and if that means changing your partner or going solo after nearly three decades together, then so be it.
I suspect people will think that Brian is more likely to cheat, knowing how I feel. But I disagree.
If a man wants to cheat he will do so whether he knows that spells the end of his marriage or not.
The only real danger is that he falls in love with another woman.
So I will continue making sure I don’t find out something I don’t want to know about — and if I do, I’ll do my best to forgive him.
Because at the end of the day, forgiveness is easy compared to living a life that no longer feels like your own.
And if I ever stop recognising the woman I’ve become in this marriage, that’s when I’ll know it’s time to walk away.
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